How To...Be Selfish

How To…Be Selfish


            I know you may be thinking this is a bit crazy right? Why would we be encouraging being selfish in a world that already seems to be in abundance of such an illness? This blog is for those of us who are self-less to a fault! Learning to be selfish with my time, energy, and resources has been a struggle for me but worth it nonetheless. I was the person who could be struggling financially and would send others money simply because they needed it. Well so did I…but that wasn’t a priority apparently. I would have a billion things on my “to-do” list yet I’d drop everything to be there for others simply because they asked. I could be struggling emotionally yet I will listen to the needs and concerns of others without even trying to interject my concerns or struggles. If you can relate to any of these things…then I’m talking to you! If you’re consistently the person on the other end of that spectrum…please read no further! You’ve clearly mastered the skillset of being selfish lol (but really).


1.     Understand your time is valuable

This was likely the hardest part for me to accept because I didn’t understand my true value nor did I think others should. What I hard to learn the hard way was that this came from a lack of self-esteem. The stronger my self-love journey became…the more I began to understand how valuable my time was. Additionally, I have entirely too much on my plate that I have to make sure my time is held to a high esteem…at least for my life. What is the #1 priority in your life? Is it work, family, church, fraternity/sorority, exercise, travel? Where on your list of priorities does yourself fall? One way to find the answer in an unbiased manner…how often do you do things for yourself or spend some quality alone time? If you’re not happy with that answer…you are NOT at the top of your priority list.

2.     If you don’t make yourself a priority…who will?

Unfortunately, we live in a selfish world…that’s the sad reality we’re all going to have to accept. Once you do you’ll realize you being selfish is pretty much worth it. For self-preservation, you have to learn to make your needs your #1 priority and help care for your needs. I used to think, if I took care of the needs and dropped everything to be there for others…when I needed something the people around me would return the favor. When I began to place myself at the top of my priority list something very important happened. Not only did my needs get taken care of, but I still had the ability to help those around me! Most importantly, I was able to give to those around me without any resentment if it went without reciprocation.

3.     Self-care is self-preservation

You will work yourself into an early grave continuing to carry on as if you are not worth being prioritized in your life. So many people tell me how they don’t have time for self-care routines like: alone time, regular massages, exercise, or even sleeping consistently. Hear me very clearly when I say this…self-care IS NECESSARY for self-preservation. So many illnesses or injuries occur when you aren’t taking proper care of yourself in the long term. Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of a few benefits of self-care:

·      Prevents overload burnout

·      Reduces the negative effects of stress

·      Helps you focus

·      Help you be more productive, engaged, and connected

·      Prevent disease and illness

·      Makes it easier to maintain your weight

·      Improve the quality and longevity of your life

4.     If you take care of you…you can take care of others

I’m not writing this blog to convince the selfless people of this world to start being selfish to those around them or stop being the giving or caring people they may be. I’m writing this blog in hopes that they simply put their own names at the top of their priority list (if it’s there at all). I do absolutely believe in being a giving person and helping those around you…simply care for yourself too! When your needs are cared for you’re able to care for others with the additional time/energy/resources you have available and do so freely without needed it back. You cannot pour from an empty cup!

5.     Worry about yourself

So much of our everyday stress comes from us being overly concerned about others that we aren’t responsible for. I find myself doing this a lot at work until that work stress ending up leading me to a leave of absence due to mental health. I was taking on the problems of my peers and associates to the point that it began to cause me undue stress and anxiety. Since returning back to work I have gotten to the place where I am no longer willing to carry the stress of others. I simply refuse to allow it. Very frequently I ask myself a very important question that we all should ask ourselves… “Does this have anything to do with me? No? Let it go!”